I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
