dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
