his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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