the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
