That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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