One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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