Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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