I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
