tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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