You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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