Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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