The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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