Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
