I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
