Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
