Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
