If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Bring me that man meat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
