im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
