It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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