i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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