also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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