her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
