We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
