I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
