I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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