someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
