this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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