i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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