Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
