im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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