nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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