Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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