I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
