I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
