He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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