Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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