Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
