I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
