woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
