My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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