she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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