I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES