I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.