We won't sleep together?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard