Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.