In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.