conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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