He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
