I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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