I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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