I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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