Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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