yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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