Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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