I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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