I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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