Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
