I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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