I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
