i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
