apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
