So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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